I haven’t posted here in months. I suck and can’t finish anything.
I have a massive problem. You know the “too many feels” gifs? That’s literally my entire life. I just sit around juggling all these “feels” and spend most of my time upset because I can’t make everyone successful and happy.
It’s honestly probably a blessing I only have a few close friends because if I had a ton, my head would probably explode from trying to make everyone happy.
The last week and a half has easily been one of the worst weeks of my life. It seems like everyone I’m close to is having a crisis of some sort, and to top it off, it was my birthday. So, naturally my birthday got pushed aside and ignored and continues to be pushed aside and ignored and because I can’t let anything go… it hurts. It hurts because I feel sub-par to everyone else because I try my hardest to make sure everyone else feels like they are important and cared for, but I really don’t have someone to return that feeling.
I need something to marathon watch that I can get addicted to. I was able to cope fairly well with all my crazy emotions while I was marathoning Doctor Who. It’s pathetic that I need a fantasy world to go to to escape all the unnecessary stress I put on myself.
I wish I didn’t have so many feelings.
It isn’t fair. Why do I have to care so damn much about everyone else? Is it really necessary for me to spend my entire life with, like, a martyr complex? I wish I could keep it in check but it just runs rampant all over the place.
I need a cookie and a hug and a proper birthday and a proper thank you.
I don’t feel appreciated.
I don’t feel loved.
I certainly don’t feel okay.